The beginning.

Lately i've been feeling way stressed about everything and have needed an outlet. This is the format i've chosen. It seems that lately things have been crapping all over me work is getting harder and harder as is my home life. I've become more angry at home and I'm generally not like that. To be perfectly frank it's very concerning.

I work as a claims adjuster at a major auto insurance company and most days I really like it but some days are super difficult. Especially with the way things have been going. I see people with less time than myself in the position excelling faster than i am. Its frustrating that i'm not succeeding. I dont know what to do. It seems the harder i try the worse off i am getting. I wish there was somebody i could turn to for help.
Another part of my frustrations are my family. My parents are good people but thet bother me so very much as does my older sister who can't seem to get her life together for much of anything. Shes almost 33 and hasn't kept a full time job for very long if ever. Its frustrating that my parents are watching my daughter and the tension at their home is seeping over into my sweet little daughter, shes becoming more aggressive toward us after being there. My father is a huge source of tension, aleays upset about something. For instance today when i asked my mom if she could start coming to our home again to babysit my daughter. Which is what she used to do before my nephew needed to be taken to school everyday, which started requiring us to take her to their home which is 25 minutes away. This wouldn't be so problematic if not for the fact that I am fighting traffic the entire time to and from there to work. I'm constantly late to work because of this but it would seem that my parents have developed an attitude of it's not my problem. I mentioned how far behind I have gotted with work and how my being late is one root cause of such. My father said well mom can come out in the morning  but you need to come here in the afternoon. i said thats not the original agreement. He said braxton needs to be taken to school, i said let his parents figure it out since they finally moved out of my parents home.  He said well i will wake up early on Mondays (his day off work) and take him then, to which i responded quit playing the victim card which he said i'm not,  yes you are I said they need to figure out how to take care of their kid. My final statement was which is more important Braxton having a ride to school or me keeping my job. The one that I busted my butt for a year to get? My father mentioned something about wear and tear on moms car to which I replied I pay you for gas and I do you oil changes and maintain your cars (we also pay my mother monthly to watch my daughter) My sister came in at said well Jake and Janelle pay mom for gas to which i responded  "this does not concern you, butt out" which of course got her all pissed off at me nothing new there.
I myself see being near them for too long is a problem as it changes who i am after being exposed to them. Like some kind of infectious disease or too much exposure to the suns rays can either change you for good or bad. It's not good for me to be near them too long.  I truly wonder about the effects it will have on my Twin boys whom will be born in September.

This brings me to another exciting but very nerve racking next stage in my life becoming parent of more than one child. We are expecting twin boys this september. To say the news of twins came as a surprise would be an understatement. I nearly cursed out loud at the news if not for the fact that my two year old daughter Sitting on my lap in the doctors office at our first ultrasound. The surprises kept coming with the discovery that they were identical and finally culminating with the discovery that they are indeed boys.  When my wife was pregnant the first time I felt a distinct impression that we would be having a daughter. I'm Just as excited as last time with more excitement as we found out its twin boys. The thing that worries menis thay my wife wants to stop working sometime after the twins are born. This worries me because she has amazing health insurance and the stuff at my work is not very good and its a high deductible plan which is more cause for worry. Three kids and two adults are going to be costly to insure. Its all very overwhelming.

How am i supposed to support a family all by myself? My wife makes what i make and with out her salary I worry that we wont be able to support ourselves. When at happens in the event of a major medical emergency? It would literally bankrupt us (with my works insurance). I know i've been raised to have faith in things but there are times when i feel faith isnt enough. Just to believe things will work out isn't enough to help us eat or pay bills. I want to move up at work but the way things are going there lately i'm grateful i have a job at all.

I've been ranting enough for now. I suppose I will end this post and see how i feel later. I'll more than likely be back to vent some more.